tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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