Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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