I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
