He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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