I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
