Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize