I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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