No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
