New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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