Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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