What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
