i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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