We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize