phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
