I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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