I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
