They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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