pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
