Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
