I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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