If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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