It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
