I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
COCAINE IS GR8
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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