she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
