he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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