So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
