Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
