Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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