Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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