Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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