Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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