So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
