the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
