party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
