Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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