I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
