Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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