happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
