Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
