he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
