I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
