I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
