My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
