I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
