had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
