we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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