my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
