I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
