just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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