No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Two words: nipple clamps
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