You really coming over, don't trick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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