shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
