She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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