I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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