I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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