i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
