I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
