I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
