Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
