I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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