i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Found your dick twin last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
