just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
